J K Rowling, in her ‘Harry Potter’ series of books, has created the mythical character ‘Dementor’. The very presence of a Dementor makes the surrounding atmosphere grow cold and dark. Dementors feed on the positive emotions, happiness and good memories of human beings, forcing them to relive their worst memories.
Real life is no different. We encounter human Dementors routinely! These people only look at the downside of anything. They are the doom-sayers who will quickly put down an idea or the prediction of a positive outcome. They tend to be the kill-joys at celebrations, making satirical comments and finding flaws. They complain about any thing and every thing under the sun- from work to family to society to the government! They are quick to criticize, blame and demean others.
Sometimes people do hit a bad patch in life, and may become pessimistic about themselves. That does not make them Dementors! These people need encouragement and positive re-inforcement. Dementors are the know-it-alls, who go about confidently making statements that hurt sentiments, bash others’ self esteem and demolish others’ joi-de vivre! Feeding off emotions gives the Dementor a mental high and leaves the other person feeling hollow and low.
Recognise the Dementors around you. If you know them only just, immediately distance yourself from them. If you have to interact with them routinely, as in, at work or at a common interest group, mentally shake them off! You will have to display consistent assertiveness to do so. You may even have to let them know politely but firmly that you will not entertain their comments. If the Dementor is someone very close to you, you will have to practice hard to emotionally detach from this person. You will have to set boundaries which cannot be crossed. You must take extra care that you remain focussed on being positive.
Avoid argument with a Dementor. If at all, pick your battles wisely. Remember, it is very difficult to convince the Dementor that the glass is half-full.
Dealing with Dementors is a tough task. But deal you must, if you do not want to feel unsettled, angry or feel badly about yourself after every interaction. Constructive criticism comes with solutions. It helps you bloom, and that’s what you need, not a battered self-esteem! So,banish the Dementor from your life!
Sometimes people do hit a bad patch in life, and may become pessimistic about themselves. That does not make them Dementors! These people need encouragement and positive re-inforcement. Dementors are the know-it-alls, who go about confidently making statements that hurt sentiments, bash others’ self esteem and demolish others’ joi-de vivre! Feeding off emotions gives the Dementor a mental high and leaves the other person feeling hollow and low.
Recognise the Dementors around you. If you know them only just, immediately distance yourself from them. If you have to interact with them routinely, as in, at work or at a common interest group, mentally shake them off! You will have to display consistent assertiveness to do so. You may even have to let them know politely but firmly that you will not entertain their comments. If the Dementor is someone very close to you, you will have to practice hard to emotionally detach from this person. You will have to set boundaries which cannot be crossed. You must take extra care that you remain focussed on being positive.
Avoid argument with a Dementor. If at all, pick your battles wisely. Remember, it is very difficult to convince the Dementor that the glass is half-full.
Dealing with Dementors is a tough task. But deal you must, if you do not want to feel unsettled, angry or feel badly about yourself after every interaction. Constructive criticism comes with solutions. It helps you bloom, and that’s what you need, not a battered self-esteem! So,banish the Dementor from your life!
© Sujata Khanna. All rights reserved.
